Published 9:09 PM EDT Sep 24, 2018
Asia Argento is shooting down speculation that she drove boyfriend Anthony Bourdain to commit suicide by cheating on him in her first interview since the famed chef's death nearly four months ago.
In an emotional sit-down with DailyMailTV, published Monday, the Italian actress revealed that Bourdain "cheated on me, too," detailing their "grown-up" relationship.
"It wasn't a problem for us," Argento, 43, said. "He was a man who traveled 265 days a year. When we saw each other we took really great pleasure in each other's company. But we are not children. We are grown-ups."
She continued: "People say I murdered him. They say I killed him. ... I understand that the world needs to find a reason. I would like to find a reason, too. I don't have it."
Related: Asia Argento to Rose McGowan: Time's up! I'm gonna sue you for libel
Although she doesn't blame herself for his death, Argento said she does hold some guilt. Bourdain committed suicide in June. He was 61.
"What I do feel terrible about is that he had so much pain inside of him and he didn't share it," she said. "I did not see it. And for that I will feel guilty for the rest of my life."
The "X-Factor Italy" judge opened up about learning of the TV host's death. The couple dated for two years after meeting on his CNN series "Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown" in 2016.
"I received a phone call from his manager," she recalled. "And it was very quick. He just told me, 'Anthony took his life.' And I couldn't speak. I couldn't cry. And then I started screaming."
Argento said her first reaction was "anger" toward him for "abandoning my kids," referring to her daughter Anna Lou, 17, and son Nicola, 10. Bourdain also left behind his 11-year-old daughter, Ariane.
The anger Argento credits with keeping her "alive" has been replaced, she says, "by this loss, this hole, that cannot be filled by anything."
Argento, once a leading member in the #MeToo movement, has been embroiled in controversy after being accused in August of sexually assaulting former child actor Jimmy Bennett in a Los Angeles-area hotel room when he was only 17 and she was 37. (The age of consent in California is 18.)
The Italian actress and Bourdain had agreed to a $380,000 payoff to Bennett, according to The New York Times, after she came out with sexual assault allegations of her own against disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein.
Related: Why Anthony Bourdain was a #MeToo champion